she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
