For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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