I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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