My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
