Please, let me fuck your mom
Welp...herpes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
