How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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