Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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