I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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