Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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