You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
