you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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