I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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