dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
