I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
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I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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