She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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