good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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