he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
