i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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