I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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