i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So many bounce houses so little time
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
