He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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