oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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