First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have aggressive nipples.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
