One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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