The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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