We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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