how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Are we still banned from the library?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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