Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
