So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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