i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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