Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
