You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
