There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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