you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
