craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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