he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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