Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
