best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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