I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
