"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
