you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
