She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
