I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
