suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
