We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.