He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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