Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
