Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??