Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol