Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!