as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
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I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.