if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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