He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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