I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
