I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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