his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
