can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
