He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
