My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
