I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
