C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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