new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
