i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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