is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
