No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Randomize
