Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
