I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
