Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
