you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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