The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
sex in a hospital.. check
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
