If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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