Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My cat gives me a boner
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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