My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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