Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I want a musical about memes.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize