I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
