Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
