I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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