I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
