take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
