Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
