You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
