I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
