I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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