I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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