I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
